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I KEEP TRYING TO CATCH HIS EYE
A Memoir of Loss, Grief, and Love
Longtime ESPN writer Ivan Maisel never thought he’d write a story like this.  In February 2015, he received a call that would change his life forever: his son’s car had been found abandoned in a parking lot next to Lake Ontario. Two months later, Max’s body was found in the lake. There wasn’t a note.  There wasn’t any obvious indication that Max wanted to harm himself. He’d signed up for a year-long subscription to a dating service; he’d spent the day he disappeared doing photography work for school. This uncertainty became part of Ivan’s grief. With grace, depth, and refinement, Ivan explores the tragically transformative reality of losing a child. He also explores their relationship, its complications, and their struggle—as is the case for so many parents and their children—to connect.  In the process, he began to see grief as love.

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